A large whale was seen swimming off the shores of Koh Phangan earlier this week. Eminent Scientists identified the species as Yo Momma.

Billy Bob Blunter holidaying on the beautiful island of Koh Phangan today questioned the gun culture in hip-hop society. Billy Bob should know - he is rumoured to have spent the best part of 20 years in prison following the release of his last solo album. "I was the original original" said Billy Bob. "Before these young bucks went to university and studied to be gangster rappers I was the man.” “Remember my lyrics - Yo face ain't pretty. Gonna show you no mercy. Cos you ain't what I needin'. I'm gonna leave you bleedin’ - I won a grammy for that ya know.” Billy Bob had to leave the interview early for a spa appointment and get his legs waxed.

Earlier this week Hollywood Star Chuck Love was caught on camera canoodling with beautiful starlet China Baps on the island of Koh Phangan. Love 28, of LA, London and Tokyo was hassled by photographers keen to snap the happy couple as they frolicked in the sands. "I just want a bit of privacy" said Love as he displayed his affection on the public beach, pool, bar, reception and balcony of his hotel. Love's PR guru Ivana Da'Monet was on hand to distribute flyers detailing his forthcoming new film release.

There was a major clothing shortage on Koh Phangan this week. Not to be put off tourists wore bikini bottoms and thongs - and that was just the men.

It was discovered on an internet blog that various tourists were complaining and warning others about having to wade 300 metres out to sea after the full moon party in Haad Rin and then fight to get into speed boats that charge 40 Euros for the trip to Koh Samui. Of course getting a taxi from the taxi rank (3 Euros) that runs all night from Haad Rin to Thongsala and then taking a regular ferry (for about 6 Euros) is a safe, logical and conventional alternative that seems to have been overlooked.

Yo Momma heard Eminem was coming to Koh Phangan and got very excited. She loved chocolate.

Today in Koh Phangan three tourists suffered sun burn. The local Government were very concerned and commented " this is the third time this week a tourist has got sunburnt - we are thinking of bringing in the army to alleviate the situation".

Three fish drowned off the shores of Koh Phangan today in a tragic accident. Relaxing in the tropical bays of Chalok Lam Bay the fish became complacent and were swept out to sea. Locals hung flags at half mast and then the fish were cremated or as we like to say on the island - Barbequed.

Angry tourists on Koh Phangan today mounted a protest rally in the main town of Thongsala. Leader of the demo Phillipe Flop stated. "There is too much fun on this island and not enough time to enjoy it. There is nothing for us to complain about and we feel this is unfair. We enjoy a good moan it is part of holiday tradition. Today is our day."

Koh Phangan is Thai for "relax"

Every time Yo Momma lay down to sunbathe she had to put a notice on her backside "don't run on the ass".